


I Know The Life You Lost

by mcnerd (orphan_account)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Compliant, Childhood Memories, Fighting, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff in the Form of Angst, Frenemies, Friendship, Gryffindor, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Hogwarts Fifth Year, Identity Issues, M/M, Mental Instability, Slow Burn, Slytherin, Unforgivable Curses (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:14:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23695252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/mcnerd
Summary: Around six years ago, Draco was given the chance to go back to Hogwarts. It wasn't at all what he wanted to do, but he had to. He owed everyone his everything. His life was just a small price that he could pay for everyone else's happiness. Draco went back to Hogwarts and brewed the Porto Omnium Potion. The Potion he found written in scars on his torso only days after his trial.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 7
Kudos: 24





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This prologue is short. Please do not base your decision to keep reading solely on this prologue. Prologues are intended to give background information for the story to come, this one, while it does serve its purpose, intentionally offers little information about the plot of the story that follows. I urge you to read chapter one in order to truly see what this story is about.

Draco's mattress squeaked as he sat down in order to ensure he didn't pass out on the floor. In his pale, bony hands was a letter that encased in an envelope that undoubtedly came from Hogwarts. He ran his finger over the red wax seal, noticing how it was exactly how he remembered his acceptance letter to look. 

The acceptance letter he had received many years ago had sparked no reaction from either of his parents. The owl that had delivered it had brought it while Draco was away, so he wasn't even the one who opened it. He just saw the open letter and empty envelope sitting on a countertop on top of a pile of other letters. He knew it was to be expected that he got in, but he at least had wanted encouragement from his parents. Instead what he had gotten was a comment about someone else's acceptance. 

The contents of the letter weren't at all a mystery. It had been stated in the Prophet that all eligible students who had not completed their seventh year of Hogwarts would be invited to return. When Draco had read this, he was quite surprised. The world seemed to be attempting to bounce back to normal as if nothing had happened. Draco was sure that he wasn't an "eligible student" and he sure as hell wasn't ready to go back to normal. Normal was his dad preaching his beliefs onto him at every chance he got, forcing him to accept the Dark Lord in his own home. It was not being Draco Malfoy, it was being a Death-Eater, a supporter of a very alive dark wizard. Normal was his worst nightmare. But so was now. 

Draco dropped the letter and the envelope and watched them both slowly sink to the wood floor. He stood up and began to unbutton his shirt as he walked towards the mirror. Covering his body was small black words. written in neat lines. Right below his collar bones, in lettering that was slightly neater and slightly bigger than the rest read, Porto Omnium: To be made at Hogwarts.

It was the recipe for a potion. It had appeared on Draco's torso the day of his trial. He had spent hours upon hours in his family library looking for an explanation to why he had been branded once again. He found nothing. But with each day that Draco let pass, the words began to burn. The pain read out the words. No matter what he was doing, he could feel the words on his skin. He could feel the words Porto Omnium.

Slowly, Draco attempted to read out the words on his body. Each ingredient was familiar and none of them were dangerous. But, they didn't make sense together. Draco had always been proud of his skills in potions. He was able to predict what a potion could do more or less just by seeing its ingredients. Usually. As he read the last line of instructions, Draco noticed something new right above the button of his trousers.

SAVE THEM ALL. Take the present with you and destroy this future.


	2. Chapter 1: Draco and Malfoy

_The Great Hall was filled with excitement. People knew that this was the year that the great Harry Potter would be attending Hogwarts. Watching him get sorted would be something that they could brag about for the rest of their lives._

_The four tables sat nearly full of giddy students, waiting to meet the new kids who would be joining their house. As the first years trickled into the Hall, the hall went silent. All the students looked through the line of first years. They were looking for someone particular. He was standing in the middle of the line. To his left stood an anxious ginger-haired boy called Ron Weasley. And to his right stood a boy with almost white hair and eyes that appeared to know the whole world. He was called Draco Malfoy._

_The three boys had met on the train. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley were already acquainted in a compartment on the train when the other boy walked in. The ginger-hair boy immediately knew who he was._

_“You’re the stray Malfoy.” He had said. He was the boy who had reported his own father of lying to the ministry. Ron only knew this because his father, Arthur Weasley, had come home one day ecstatic because of a Malfoy going astray._

_Draco Malfoy nodded and gave a small, forced smile to the two boys. He seemed to be uncomfortable, but the other two invited him to sit with them. Before the train had begun its course to Hogwarts, a girl with unkempt, frizzy hair, named Hermione Granger, came and sat in the compartment with the boys. Ron wasn’t a big fan of this girl, and that caused Draco to smile. A real smile. But he kept it hidden and looked out the window for most of the ride._

_Some of the students in the Great Hall seemed to recognise Draco just as Ron had. The ones who did, looked at Draco Malfoy with almost as much respect as they looked at Harry Potter. It made him incredibly uncomfortable. Especially given the fact that Draco wasn’t used to being respected by any of the faces that were staring at him._

_Draco knew every one of them. As each and every first-year got called up to be sorted, he found himself whispering the house as the Sorting Hat yelled it out for the school to hear._

_VINCENT CRABBE_

_Draco visibly cringed. As the Sorting Hat yelled out a loud SLYTHERIN._

_“You okay mate?” Ron asked Draco, giving him a friendly bump on his shoulder._

_Draco struggled not to scowl. Weasley being nice to him was strange. He had to remember that circumstance was what made Weasley completely intolerable, and said circumstance had not happened. “His family was friends of my father. Before I turned him in, we were family friends I guess.” Draco said quietly, not taking his eyes of the other first years as they walked up to wear the hat._

_DRACO MALFOY._

_Ron gave Draco an encouraging pat on the back, and Harry gave him an awkward smile. Then, taking his time, Draco began to walk up to the front. He was worried. He couldn’t lose Weasley’s or Potter’s trust, being in Slytherin wasn’t ideal for preventing this from happening. Unlike most other things, Draco had no control of the outcome of his Sorting. It had been a while where Draco both knew what was coming and had no way to prevent it._

_Draco sat down on the chair and smirked. As the hat got lowered down onto his head, his face fell. It was his second time getting sorted, but it was his very first time wearing the Hat._

_My, my, my. You seem familiar. Yet unlike anyone I’ve seen_

_A person more cunning I wouldn’t believe_

_A soul more loyal, I couldn’t conceive_

_A mind as clever, I’ve yet to foresee_

_A heart as brave could never be_

_Where you belong, I’m not quite sure_

_And so the choice is one hundred percent yours_

_GRYFFINDOR! The hat yelled out to the silent hall. Despite his good deeds, people still couldn’t believe that a pureblooded Malfoy was not in Slytherin. Even Draco couldn’t believe it._

_As he walked down towards the tables, he found himself walking towards his own. Towards Slytherin. Alarmed, he looked up and made eye contact with an older Slytherin student. He wasn’t important, but Draco still knew him. He was called Vaisey. Draco knew that he got hit in the head by a bludger in a Quidditch match once. Or might. Vaisey gave Draco an unsure, kind-of smile before darting his eyes to the opposite side of the Hall to where the Gryffindor table sat._

_Draco struggled to not roll his eyes. He was going to sit at the table full of the most annoying people he had met. The most annoying people he was going to meet. But at least it wouldn’t be boring. Nothing was the same anymore, but at least he would get to have some new experiences himself. And he could use it to his advantage too. In Gryffindor, he could protect the person who needed protecting the most._

_HARRY POTTER_

_GRYFFINDOR!_

* * *

“Malfoy.” Harry poked the dozed off blond with the edge of his broomstick. “Malfoy.”

“Potter.” Draco drawled out, instinctively. His eyes shot open and he jumped up defensively. “What.”

Harry looked at Draco, confused, and concerned. Draco didn’t say, “What” in response to Harry calling him out or poking him with a broomstick. He said it as if he was scared, angry, and surprised all at once. Harry seemed to be at a loss for words.

“Harry.” Draco stood up, knocking his broom off his lap and onto the floor. Draco crouched his neck down so he could look directly into Harry’s confused eyes. “Why the hell did you call me Malfoy?”

Harry took a step away from Draco, who was clearly struggling to keep his tone calm. “Maybe because it’s your name.” Harry didn’t let himself appear smaller than Draco. The two were close friends, but they butted heads more than anyone else. Which honestly surprised Draco, because he thought that he’d have that problem with Weasley.

“My name is Draco.” He reached down and grabbed his broomstick and leaned it against the tree, before turning to make direct eye-contact with Harry. Nobody liked looking in Draco’s eyes. People said they sucked all the happiness and hoped right out of them, just like a dementor.

“Draco Malfoy. You called me Potter and you don’t see me being an utter git about it.” Harry leaned against his broomstick as the effect of Draco’s eye contact began to wear onto him. Immediately, Draco looked away.

“Yeah, well you’re a Potter. And I think everyone would love to be a Potter.” Draco walked past the irked seeker and began to make his way towards the castle.

“No one gets you Draco. You act like your last name is the worst last name in the world. You are technically a hero Draco, but you act like you are a villain.” Harry yells after Draco but doesn’t bother following him. Yes, they are friends, close friends too. But people on the outside are pretty sure they despise each other.

Draco rubs his temples, realising that he left his broomstick on the tree. Someone would grab it for him, so he was fine. Lately, Draco had been feeling horrible. He needed a break, something like third-year when there was no danger of anything horrible happening and the only intervention he had to make was catching a rat. He let events play out almost exactly as they had the first time that year.

Fourth-year had been pretty simple too. He just had to send in an anonymous tip about Crouch at the beginning of the year and then everything went on smoothly.

Fifth-year, things appeared to just stop happening. And Draco was apprehensive at every moment of the day. Clearly he had done things right because everyone at Hogwarts was very happy and led a very safe life. But, logically, he knew that the Dark Lord was still out there and needed to be defeated. As circumstances grew less and less similar to before, Draco lost more and more control over protecting the wizarding world. It was only fifth-year and Draco had seemed to have lost his control.

“You good mate.” A rough pat on the back almost knocked Draco to the floor. Weasley. Draco and Ron have been friends since the beginning of second-first-year. But whenever Ron gives him his typical pat on the back, Ron becomes Weasley that Draco knew almost too long ago.

Draco let out an exasperated sigh, “Yes Ron.”

“What, you fight with Harry again.” Ron was wearing his Quidditch gear just like Draco was, but Ron was the Keeper, so he had slightly more gear than Draco did.

“I guess.” He did, but that wasn’t the issue. The issue was Malfoy and Draco. They were too different people and they were becoming further and further apart. Some days, some good days, Draco could almost forget that he was ever Malfoy. Ron and Harry would truly feel like his best friends. Gryffindor would truly feel like his home. His name would almost feel like praise.

Other days, the worst days, everything would remind him of then. And it was all so long ago, but when Draco remembers it, it feels like yesterday. He’ll have visions so vivid of bodies of people who were now friends of Draco laying lifeless on the floor. The vicious, metallic smell of blood sometimes grows so thick that Draco can hardly breathe. Sometimes he’ll remember his last days of being who he was. When he went back to Hogwarts for eighth-year. Eighth-year when Pansy couldn’t eat because she hated herself and all she stood for. The year when Hermione spent two days straight in the library studying. The time when Harry Potter screamed bloody murder because some smart first-year figured out how to make their Lumos spell change colours and accidentally made it green.

Yesterday, when he was Malfoy back at Hogwarts for eighth-year. A marked man who was ready to hold it all for everyone else. Or maybe he was selfish and did it because he was guilty. Draco could remember everything important that had ever happened while he was alive regardless of whether he had been there. But he couldn’t remember why he brewed the potion. Knowing the Malfoy that he was, he probably just wanted to be young and hot again.

“Damn. What did he say to you? Bad enough you’re heading up already?” Ron swayed side to side awkwardly. Ron never knew what to do what Draco would have one of these moods.

“I came out early. The argument was mostly my fault.” Draco stops talking for a moment. “Tell him and I will hex the hell out of you. Just don’t mention me to him at all.”

“Sounds good.” Ron took a step past Draco before stopping. “You should get some rest, you look like you’ve been to hell and back eight times because you keep forgetting what you’re doing there.”

“I will hex you, Ronald Weasley.” Draco chuckled.

“Neville would hex me before you would.” Ron teased before running down the hill towards the rest of the Gryffindor team.

“Neville would hex him before I would.” Draco full-on laughed to himself. “Merlin have mercy on me.” Draco walked into the castle and began to make his way to the Gryffindor common room. He had promised Hermione that he would study with her today.

Draco didn’t think he was that different towards Hermione, but their relationship was unlike anything Draco could have even made up as a joke. Hermione asked Draco to the Yule Ball in fourth year. It was the most awkward conversation had had basically ever. And it was layered with other peculiar events. He had wanted to accept Hermione’s invitation, but knowing all that he knew, he couldn’t. Hermione deserved so much better than Draco. She was the most brilliant witch that Draco had ever been given the chance to meet. She deserved to be asked to the Yule Ball, by a handsome man who would have always treated her right. And Hermione was hurt as first, but one of the Triwizard Champions, Viktor Krum. Draco couldn’t bring himself to attend so he spent the night hanging out with Harry who also somehow couldn’t find a date.

“Hermione?” Draco noticed Hermione sitting at the table in the centre of their common room with a pile of books in front of her. “What are we studying today?”

“I just had a meeting with Dumbledore.” Hermione shut her book calmly, but cautiously. “We were discussing classes, and he asked me a few questions about Harry.”

“Oh.” Draco said trying to appear as uninterested as he could. “So”

“He also asked me about you.” Hermione pushed the book away from her and turned towards Draco.

Draco gulped, he wasn’t at all prepared for any sort of serious conversation. Especially not one pertaining to Dumbledore. “He asked about me?”

“He looked me dead in the eye when he asked me about you.”

“Okay…” Draco was beginning to grow impatient. Hermione didn’t usually talk like this, which is why he enjoyed talking with her the most. “Get on with it.”

“Listen Draco, he was asking me all sorts of questions about Harry. Like about his happiness, his grades, how much he eats, like a concerned father. But he didn’t look at me when he asked me this.”

“Hermione.”

“And then he looked me straight in the eyes and said, ‘And Draco?’” Hermione was almost dangerously close to Draco’s face. But not in a romantic way. She appeared to be examining Draco’s face. His eyes.

“He knows I’m friends with, close with Harry. He probably just doesn’t trust me because of-”

“Because of your name,” Hermione finished for him, clearly annoyed, “No Draco, that's not it. I don’t know why he asked. But when he did. I, his eyes. Draco. Has anyone ever told you that both you and Dumbledore have the exact same eyes?”


	3. Chapter 2: Sweet Lies

“Mr Malfoy, I was informed that you had an urgent need to see me.”

“Yes Professor Dumbledore.” Draco looked at his hands that were fidgeting in his lap. How very Gryffindor of him. He forgot to make a plan. Slytherins always made plans. But Draco technically was a Gryffindor. He didn’t need a plan. He could do just a well without one. “Sorry, I, I’m just thinking about how to words this to you.”

“I’m sure you are Mr Malfoy. Whenever you ready.” Dumbledore wouldn’t meet his eyes with Draco, much to his dismay. Draco knew what his own eyes looked like. They were grey. Or that’s how he would describe them.

According to Ron, they “look more dead than the pig they feed us at Welcoming Feast each year.”

Hermione had said that they “don’t resemble eyes at all. No offence Draco, I think they are wonderful. But there is this muggle saying that says ‘Eyes are the window to the soul,’ I can’t see through to yours, they’re a wall not a window.’

And Potter. He had been the one who said, “They remind me of third-year. The bad part of it when we thought Sirius was after me. More specifically, they remind me of the dementors. How they suck all the happiness right out of you.” And that one hurt. The thought that he was taking happiness from people who deserved to live life as if it was a game created for them to play.

He couldn’t imagine that Dumbledore would have the same eyes as him. Dumbledore was a figure of light, his eyes couldn’t bring darkness.

“Professor Dumbledore, I came to you about Harry Potter.” Apparently, Draco had said the right thing because maybe for the first time, Dumbledore looked at Draco. And his eyes were not like windows. They were like mirrors. Draco saw his own eyes.

“Yes, yes, very well Mr Malfoy. Harry Potter does seem to be a concern for many, doesn’t he… tell me.”

“Harry Potter,” Draco spoke slowly, making sure that he sounded deliberate and not as if he were at a loss for words, “is a great Seeker. But, I’m sure you noticed, he wears glasses. I am concerned that his glasses might get crushed against his face in-game. He refuses to talk to anyone about it. But I refuse to lose because Harry Potter can’t see…” Draco stops. Too Slytherin. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt, especially not him.”

“That is very kind of you. But, I do wonder why you came to me and not Professor McGonagall.”

Draco limped in his seat. He hadn’t thought of that. Why hadn’t he thought of that! Draco looked around the room. It was his first time in Dumbledore’s office technically. Sitting on the corner of the desk, was a bowl full of yellow candies. Muggle candies. “To be honest sir,” Draco looked down at his lap trying to conceal the fact that he was close to laughter, “Hermione told me that she was here. She didn’t tell me why, but she told me that you had muggle candy. And I’ve never tried any. May I Professor?” Draco looked up Dumbledore and shot him a mischievous yet playful smile.

Dumbledore gave Draco a small nod. “Take as many as you would like Mr Malfoy if you ever want any just let me know.”

“I’m sorry for wasting your time, sir.” Draco unwrapped the candy and tossed it into his mouth. It was soft in his mouth and tasted slightly like Butterbeer. It was weird to eat candy that was just candy. But, nevertheless, it was delicious. Draco stuck his hand into the bowl and grabbed a small handful as he stood up. “Thank you sir.”

As Draco left the office, he could feel Dumbledore’s eyes on him. It made Draco tremendously uncomfortable. Everything about the old wizard made Draco feel uncomfortable.

Draco watched as the painting swung shut to hide away the room he was just in. “Thanks for waiting for me.” Draco looked at Hermione who was waiting next to the portrait holding an open book. “Candy?”

Hermione looked up at Draco, shaking her head in mock disapproval. “Sure.”

The two walked down and away towards Gryffindor tower. They didn’t have much time before dinner, but they had to change. Hermione was still in her day robes and Draco was wearing his practice robes. “You were right. I can’t believe I never noticed.”

“It’s not like you would. You avoid Dumbledore like the plague.” Hermione replied to Draco, matter-of-factly as they turn the corner to their common room.

“Don’t say that it makes me sound bad.”

“Well, I mean…” Hermione began, pausing to say the password to the fat-lady. “You never explain why. You always just say, ‘He makes me uncomfortable.’”

“He does.” Draco sits down on the couch, even though he knows their conversation won’t last much longer. Draco absolutely adores the Gryffindor common room. It feels like a room for kings. The Slytherin common room felt more like a secret layer.

“You could make something up,” Hermione suggested, walking to the window.

“I feel like he hates me.” Draco laid his head back to look at the ceiling that seemed to be miles away from him.

“I said to make something up. But the truth works too.” Hermione turned around and sat on the couch opposite of Draco. “You’re a good guy Draco no one thinks you aren’t. Go get ready for dinner.” Hermione stands up and walks out, leaving Draco in the common room all on his own.

He leans forward and places his face in his hands.

_Summer had been a pain. Draco hadn’t realised how thankful he was to be at Hogwarts. Draco lived with his mother in a flat that the ministry provided them. It wasn’t very nice, but Draco preferred it to the Malfoy Manor._

_Narcissa Malfoy had no clue why Draco hated his childhood home as strongly as he did. Truthfully, Narcissa did understand her son whatsoever. Despite the fact that she and her husband Lucius raised the boy, he grew up with the personality of a stranger. He was distant and sad. Most confusingly, he hated his father with a passion. It hadn’t come as a surprise when ten year old Draco Malfoy ran from home to the Ministry to report his own father._

_Narcissa always loved her son, there had never been a moment where she had doubted it. But, she often found herself asking why. Despite the fact she had loved this boy since the moment he was born, it was like she was raising a stranger._

_Draco couldn’t tell if he loved his mother. As far as he was concerned his mother had done nothing wrong. She had done so much right, but still. He couldn’t bring himself to admit that she loved his mother._

_Leaving for Hogwarts had been a huge blessing in disguise. Draco hadn’t realised how much easier life was at Hogwarts despite the weight of all the responsibilities that he had when he was there._

_Second-year was complicated. The solution to fix and prevent the Dark Lord from interacting with Harry Potter was a simple one. But carrying out was one of the most complex things that Draco had to do. It revolved around Ginny Weasley._

_On the day that they Hogwarts express was set to leave to Hogwarts. Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Draco all met at platform 9 ¾. Ron was the only one who came with his family. Naturally. That was the year that the youngest Weasley would be getting on the train to attend Hogwarts._

_“Are you excited, Ginny?” Draco asked Ginny, surprising everyone as he had been pretty silent._

_“Extremely.” Ginny turned her head towards Draco and gave him a wide, toothy smile._

_The students all ran through the platform, one after another. Draco made sure that he was the last to go. Just as he was about to run through the platform, Draco turned to Arthur and Molly. “They’re all safe,” Draco said quietly, causing both Arthur and Molly to gush over the small, lithe boy. “Thank you, Mr and Mrs Weasley.” Draco ran through the platform to follow behind the rest._

_On the train, Draco noticed Ginny standing awkwardly outside of the compartment that he was sitting him. She had a bashful look upon her face, and looked a bit nervous. Obviously. She liked Potter. “Ginny, do you want to sit with us.”_

_Draco was the one to speak up, but Harry’s mouth was open too. He was going to say the same thing, but Draco beat him to it._

_“If that’s okay with you.” Ginny entered the train compartment and sat next to Hermione, across from Draco._

_That day had been the first day that Draco had seen Ginny. In that lifetime. It was weird. He remembered Ginny as the confident girl who had magical abilities that most could only dream of having. All of Ginny’s possible future he knew, and it was Draco’s goal to change hers just like he was doing to everyone else’s. Unfortunately, the easiest, or the most straightforward way to change Ginny’s future would be to prevent her from crushing on Potter._

_It was clear to Draco that Ginny already was crushing on Potter. She seemed anxious in her seat, but clearly not about going to Hogwarts. Her eyes keep darting from her hands crossed unnaturally in her lap to the boy that was sitting next to Draco. But, her crush couldn’t be more than infatuation. It was too early. Draco needed Ginny to like him. It made him immensely uncomfortable. He did feel like a second-year boy, but he more memories than a second-year boy could have even if he lived forever. Circumstances were already on a path that Draco believed to be a good one. Harry and Ron were on the bus after all_

_There were parts of the future that Draco wished he could leave the same. Not many, but Harry and Ginny were as happy as they could be together. So were Ron and Hermione. If it was truly meant to be maybe it could happen again, but with every day that Draco lived, the future became blurrier and blurrier._

_On the way to Hogwarts, the student made conversation about their excitement for the year to come. Draco made sure to pipe in every so often, reassuring Ginny about how amazing first year was going to be. Even though he knew Ginny wasn’t nervous._

_Time passed and nothing had happened, but Draco talked to Ginny almost every day. Maybe just befriending Ginny was enough to prevent her from opening the Chamber of Secrets. But Draco had to be extra sure._

_“Ginny.” It was the beginning of December and winter-break was approaching quickly. The fireplace was lit in the common room and Ginny Weasley was sitting in front of it with a book on her lap. She looked small and scared. Her unsure appearance made Draco freeze. It was only his second year and it was way too early for him to mess up. “Are you okay?”_

_“I’m okay Draco, thanks for asking.” Ginny moved over on the couch making room for Draco to sit. “I’ve just been thinking.”_

_Draco looked at the book in Ginny’s lap. It was the journal. “About.” More than anything he wanted to grab the journal and throw it into the fireplace. But he had to be more furtive than that. He had been a Slytherin for seven years, he could be more furtive than that._

_“Harry Potter.”_

_Draco sharply inhaled. It might have been too late. Ginny had had the journal and she was thinking about Harry Potter. “Oh.”_

_“He’s the kindest boy I’ve ever met. He’s smart,” Draco quickly smirked to himself, “He’s super empathetic, and he’s funny too. When I first saw him I thought I was in love with him.”_

_Draco looked away from Ginny, chagrined, at her statement. She was eleven years old. What did she know about love? “I had no idea,” Draco responded, sounding so sincere he almost believed himself._

_“But then there’s you.” Draco looked up at Ginny, surprised. “I could say the same thing about you too.” Ginny looked at Draco, and then down at the book in her lap. “What’s the book?” Draco asked, giving in to the urgent voice in mind that was begging him to get the book._

_“I found it. I started to use it to write about my problem. But...” Ginny looked at the fireplace, clearly ashamed of herself. “It started to say things back.”_

_“What did you say about Harry?”_

_“I wrote that I liked him.” Ginny paused. “And you. And then it started asking me for details. I came to the conclusion right as you came in that it’s probably just a prompting book.”_

_“No, Ginny. I, I- uh, need that book. I need to see it.” Draco gave in completely to the voice and even let the urgency flavour his words. Ginny needed to know there was an issue too. As Ginny handed Draco the book, he let the tension go in his shoulders. He didn’t know why he was worried that she wouldn’t give him the book. Ginny trusted Draco Malfoy as much as she trusted Harry Potter. “You know about my father right? My family history with Dark Magic.”_

_“Yes,” Ginny said cautiously, “My father told me.”_

_“Ginny let me burn this book right now. I know it isn’t good.” Draco stood up, wishing that he was a bit taller. He was having a hard time taking himself seriously, all he was, was a kid. But, so was Ginny._

_“Okay.”_

_Draco moved slowly. He bent down towards the fireplace, holding the book carefully and both hands. He didn’t know the consequences of burning the book, but he could hope that it would be better than letting it remain as it was. Ginny’s stare burned on the back of Draco’s neck as he placed the book in the fire._

_It shrivelled up and became nothing. Draco wanted to stick his hand in the fire too. He wanted to shrivel up and become nothing just like the journal. Ginny’s problem was nothing in the long term, but it hurt Draco just the same. In this lifetime, Draco was a problem for Ginny too._

“Is he asleep?” Ron attempted to whisper to Harry, who was staring at the still figure on the couch. “He seemed stressed when I talked to him last.”

“I don’t know. Could have been it. I was a little quick with him.” Harry walked towards Draco and bent over to try to see if his eyes were closed. “He’s gonna be late for dinner.”

“You don’t think anyone’s been in here to wake him up.” Ron leaned his broomstick on the wall next to Harry’s and walked towards the seemingly asleep blond on the couch. “Common room isn’t exactly empty this time of day.”

“Yeah, that’s because I’m not asleep.” Draco looked up directly into Harry’s concerned eyes. Hastily, Draco closed his and looked away. He didn’t want Harry to be subjected to look him in the eyes. “I was just about to go get changed. You guys need to too.”

Draco stood up and stretched out his back. He was definitely asleep. Thank Merlin Weasley is physically incapable of whispering.

Harry and Ron grabbed their broomsticks and then followed Draco to their shared dorm room. Harry and Ron both begun to undress in front of their wardrobes to change. They were all comfortable around each other. Draco was comfortable around them too, but he still grabbed his clothes and climbed onto his bed pulling the curtains around them shut.

He was always scared that he would one day pull off his shirt to reveal that somehow his body had been branded with his dark fate once again.

“We’re gonna wait for you in the common room, mate.”

“Thanks,” Draco muttered but had no plans to do anything but take his time. Draco changed into his night robes and walked out to the common room.

Sitting on the couch was Harry Potter and Harry Potter only, Ron and Hermione were nowhere in sight. “I thought,” Draco begun, but was almost instantly interrupted by Harry.

“Hermione reminded Ron that prefects are not supposed to be late for dinner.” Both Harry’s tone and expression were completely unreadable. “They waited five minutes though. We had a conversation. It was nice that you weren’t here. We were able to talk about you.”

Draco couldn’t do anything but stare. Sassy Potter always caught him off guard.

“I need to talk to you. About you, Draco Malfoy.”


	4. Chapter 3: Triwizard TriTip

Besides the crackling of the lit fireplace, the common room was silent. Draco sat across from Harry on the couch, trying his best to appear as collected as he could.

Of all the relationships that he had formed with his housemates, the one he had with Harry was hardest to detach from his before. He didn’t feel any aversion towards Harry like he once had, but he felt something unpleasant. Fear. Whenever he was around Harry, Draco felt like the world would crumble and fall crushing the boy leaving Draco alone to face what’s left. Harry wasn’t the only person whose life needed changing, but Harry’s life affected more people that Draco hoped Harry would ever find out.

“I care about you.”

Draco scoffed. Sometimes Draco wondered how the small actions he took could one thing so much. Draco would have thought that he would have had to become a whole other person in order for the Golden Trio to care about him. All he had done so far, was write many anonymous tips and be very nice.

“I don’t get why you acted surprised. Hermione, Ron, and I are your best friends you know. We care about you. So does everyone else.”

Draco looked up at Harry to meet his eyes, for a quick second before looking back to the side. It was hard for Draco, at first avoiding eye-contact with people made him feel insecure. Or, it made him feel like he looked insecure. But he learned how to be cool about it really quick.

“The thing is none of us gets you Draco.” Harry leaned forward towards Draco, resting his elbows on his thighs. “You do this thing. All the time. You become distant and you act like you are the worst person in the world. You’ll have this expression like you’ve seen the world burn in front of you. And then when we ask you about it all you do is say that you are a bad person because of your name.

“And it is so fucking annoying because you are a great person. You say anyone would be honoured to have the name Potter, but you’ve made Malfoy a name far greater than mine.”

“No.” Draco’s chest grew heavy just at the thought of his name being called great again. Albeit for different, better reasons, but it didn’t matter to him. “My name will never be great. People with my name have done horrid things.”

Harry shot up from his seat, frustration dripping from his every movement. “Why do you do this? Malfoy. Draco. Draco Malfoy, whatever! People say I’m a hero. I was a baby, I did nothing. I got lucky.

“You? You, Draco Malfoy, are the hero that I wish I could be. People worship the name Potter when they should worshipping the name Malfoy. A ten-year-old boy reported dozens of Death-Eaters and provided ample proof to get them all locked in Azkaban. They weren’t strangers either. Draco your middle name might as well be ‘Deus ex machine,’ the number of times you’ve saved the day by being in the right place at the right time. I’m not special, I’m no hero.” Harry placed unclenched his fisted hands and placed them on the common room wall, resting his forehead in between them. “I’m no Malfoy.”

“It would take me days to explain to you what Malfoy stood for. Days with no breaths, breaks, or light. I want you to listen to me when I say this.” Draco stood next to Harry, talking slow, but careful not to sound like his father. “Never compare yourself to me, you are all that is good in the world, and I owe you everything.”

“Explain it to me then.” Harry removed himself from the wall and turned to Draco, who resembled a stone.

“I said I would. I never said I could.” Draco looked down at his brown leather shoes. They were worn at the toes. To think he’d ever let that happen. “I care about you too much. I care about you all. The fact that you guys are my friends means more than I could ever fathom.”

Harry smiled and shook his head, clearly disappointed in himself. “I can never win with you.”

“You must have won too many times. The universe must just be trying to even it out.” Draco followed Harry out of the common room towards the Great Hall for dinner.

“Yeah but I’ve never won an argument with you. No one really does unless you let them.” Harry complained.

“Another lifetime maybe.” Draco smiled, more to himself than to Harry. The two walked in silence to the Great-Hall, just enjoying each other’s presence despite the yelling that had happened not more than a moment ago.

It was always like that. Ron and Draco were friends. Ron and Harry like brothers. Draco and Harry didn’t have a word to describe their relationship. Hermione suggested frenemies, but all three of the boy had immediately shut that down saying it was too girly and way too juvenile.

The two sat down at the empty spaces Hermione had saved for them. “If he doesn’t come back in the spring term, who do you think will be able to teach on such short notice?”

“Don’t know,” Neville said, taking a drink out of his cup. “Moody is a good one.”

“What’s going on?” Harry asked, reaching over Neville to grab a piece of bread.

“Apparently,” Hermione began, “Moody might not be coming back next after winter break.”

Draco’s eyes went wide. “You mean we might be given another incompetent teacher in the most important subject like we had in first and second year. What’s wrong with Moody?”

“Guys.” Neville tried to something into the conversation, but couldn’t overpower Hermione and Draco bitching about how they needed Moody more than ever now that it was their OWLS year.

“And the school’s safer when he’s here too. Death-Eaters are terrified of the guy.” Ron interjected while shoving a small potato into his mouth.

“You don’t need to worry about that come on Ronald.” Hermione hit Ron playfully with her shoulder.

“No, I agree with him,” Draco said calmly, spooning salad onto his empty plate.

“GUYS.” The group went silent and stared at Neville. The guy rarely raised his voice, which was unfortunate for him because it was a pretty necessary skill for conversing with Gryffindors. “I could be wrong. It was just something I overheard.”

“I’m sure we have nothing to be worried about,” Harry responded. Reaching over Neville for what seemed to be his third roll.”

“God Potter have some meat,” Draco whispered to himself a little louder than he intended. Naturally, upon hearing this, everyone stared at Draco wide-eyed.

Draco’s face flushed a deep shade of red the second he realised what he had just said. “I mean, God Harry, have some meat?”

“That’s what you correct?” Harry whispered just a loudly as Draco had.

“If I call you by your last name it implies you can call me by mine. Other than that, I don’t eat my words.” Draco smirked, proud of himself. “Now, I’ll some meat thank you very much.”

The others watched in shock as Draco placed a slice of Tri-tip on his place.

_There were three Triwizard Champions. Viktor Krum, Fleur Delacour, and Cedric Diggory. Altogether they had the nation falling swooning._

_Draco was surprised when small things changed. He always expected the big things, but the little things always got him. He remembered how Ron was infatuated with Delacour, but he didn’t remember Harry feeling the same way._

_Nevertheless, both of Draco’s roommates could not stop talking about the tournament. They both tried to hide it too, but they were so inconspicuous it was funny to Draco._

_“We have to get front row seats. My glasses aren’t strong enough for me to sit far back.” Harry had brought up the night before the first task when the students were finally told what it was to be._

_“I agree.” Ron sat on his bed which on the side across from Harry and Draco’s._

_“Dragons are pretty big guys, we’ll be able to see it from wherever. I want to sleep in. It’s a Saturday.”_

_Ron leaned forward on his bed towards the others, “But people aren’t. We want to see the people fight the Dragons.”_

_“You can still see people. We watch Quidditch matches just fine and that’s just people.”_

_“Well,” Harry paused, making it obvious that he was thinking of an excuse. Gryffindors could never. “We’ve never seen dragons before. And this is our only chance to get close to really see the details.”_

_Touché._

_“I want to see Dragon scales Malfoy.”_

_“If you want me to wake up early, maybe it’s best that you don’t keep me up late,” Draco said almost half asleep, causing both Harry and Ron to snicker. “What! Let me have peace.”_

_“When you’re tired the drawl that you have to your voice is amplified tenfold. It makes you sound like a little arsehole.”_

_“I’m gonna hex you both one day.” Draco turns over in his bed so he was facing towards the fall._

_The next morning, Draco awoke to Harry Potter shaking him awake. It started him. Bad. He has dreams every night. And it isn’t rare for him to see Harry Potter in his dreams. Sometimes it’s a relief to wake up and see Harry Potter safe in his dorm room, but other times it triggers Draco’s fight or flight response._

_“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Harry whispered taking a step away from Draco’s bed. “You have to get ready though we are leaving in soon.”_

_“Soon?”_

_“Well in half an hour, but you usually take a whole so… be quick.” Harry smiled and raised his eyebrows. Draco rolled his eyes so far into the back of his head. All of this just to see a pretty girl fight a Dragon._

_Draco had never had romantic feelings for anyone. He had never seen a good looking person and felt more than admiration towards them on account that they care for themselves well. Waking up at unreasonable hours for another person was something above and beyond anything Draco was willing to do for anyone besides himself. Yet, lo and behold there he was at 5:30 on a Saturday morning getting dressed so Potter and Weasley could gawk at an older blonde girl._

_“Ready?” Ron asked Draco urgently before he could even fully step into the common room._

_“What are you wearing?” Draco scowled at the two boys standing in front of them. They were wearing nice robes. Nicer robes._

_“Robes…” Harry looking back and forth at the entrance to the common room, eager to leave, but also eager to bicker with Draco. “Same thing as you. What’s your problem?”_

_“You both usually look like rubbish. And now you look like not rubbish.” Draco crossed his arms and smirked._

_“You’re dressed nicely Draco.” Ron pointed out, sounding proud. As if he made a good point._

_“I’m always dressed nicely.” Draco drawled._

_“Fine, you win. Let’s go.” Harry tossed his hands into the hair and walked out of the common room as quietly as he could. Between him and Ron, Draco wouldn’t have been surprised if the rest of Gryffindor woke up as well._

_The first task went well. Draco watched actually watched. He had no clue how it was going to end because Harry was right next to him. Watching the Champions fight dragons. Drooling just like how the Weasley and every other male in the stadium were over Fleur Delacour._

_“Harry,” Draco said to the spaced-out boy next to him. Potter, unlike Weasley, wore his emotions on his sleeve. Draco couldn’t tell if Harry was aware of it, but he found it laughable. “Harry, who are you looking at?” It was fun to tease him. Especially in the state that he was in._

_“Diggory,” Harry whispered to himself more than to Draco._

_Draco nodded to himself, proud that he got Potter to say her name that quickly. Draco froze. He hadn’t said Delacour. “Excuse me.” Draco blurted out as whipped his head back to Harry who no longer seemed to be in the infatuated trance. His eyes were wide and slightly angry, ready to fight._

_“Delacour.” Harry spat, coldly and turned back towards the tournament. He no longer seemed to be enjoying it the same way he had been before their awkward exchange._

_After the first task, Ron and Harry decided to go to talk with Hagrid. They invited Draco, but he opted out. He wanted to find Hermione. Harry appeared to be uncomfortable with Draco leaving. It was blatantly obvious, that Harry wanted to be around Draco to make sure his mouth stayed shut._

_After circling around the stadium Draco found Hermione, she was standing awkwardly with her hands behind her back and an uncomfortable look on her face. It was something about that day, everyone seemed to be uncomfortable._

_“Do you think we could work on potions?” Hermione asked, “It’s the only class you understand better than me.”_

_“Debatable,” Draco smirked but nodded._

_The two walked up to Gryffindor, discussing the events of the first task. They both thought it was interesting, but agreed that it was strange to put students in that much danger for entertainment._

_“Good thing there was an age line.” Hermione pointed out, making sure her voice was loud enough that it didn’t get lost in all the others, “Otherwise. Ron without a doubt would have tried to compete.”_

_Draco scoffed. “He wouldn’t have a chance.”_

_“No, he really wouldn’t.” Hermione smiled. “Do you know where he is? I’m assuming Harry is with him too.”_

_“They went to Hagrid’s. They’ll be coming back here after.” Draco pulled out a chair to the high table to sit with Hermione. “I don’t know when they do their work.”_

_“I don’t think they do.” Hermione chuckled, opening a book. “The Yule Ball is coming up.”_

_“Huh,” Draco responded. He had totally forgotten about it. “Did someone ask you yet?”_

_“No.” Hermione clumsily flipped through the pages of the book she had open. Draco recognised the book. It was one about conditional potions. “Did you ask anyone?” Draco shook his head. “Are you going to?”_

_“Probably not. I won’t be the only one without a date if that’s what you're worried about. Ron could never. Doubt Harry could either, despite the fact that he’s… himself.” Draco leaned forward in his chair, trying to figure out what Hermione was getting on about in the book. She had said she needed help, but conditional potions never get discussed in core Potion classes._

_“Would you go with me?” Hermione stopped to look up at Draco._

_“As a friend.” Draco smiled, sighing to himself._

_“Oh. Do you know about conditional potions?” Hermione changed the subject, struggling to mask the disappointment in her voice._

_“Of course.” Draco smirked, trying to lighten the mood, “I know everything.”_

_“The book mentions that the potions only work under certain conditions. But it doesn’t make sense because potions are only effected by direct manipulation.” Hermione flipped the page, hiding her face under her hair, “It doesn’t make sense because it goes against all rules about Potions.”_

_“Magic is amazing isn’t it?”_

_“Draco, I’ve read this book over and over again. There are no recipes for any conditional potions in the book. And I couldn’t find any anywhere else. How can there be such thing if it doesn’t exist.” Hermione finally looked up at Draco with a pinched expression on her face._

_Draco simply smiled at Hermione. The conversation stopped as the portrait swung open revealing Harry and Ron._

_“You’ll never guess who we ran into.” Ron walked in causing the common room to go silent. “Sorry. Sorry”_

_The two walked over to the corner of the room where Draco and Hermione were sitting at the tall work table._

_“Ronald Weasley. You don’t own the Gryffindor common room. Don’t yell in here. Set a good example.” Hermione lectured Ron the second he was close enough to enter the bubble of privacy that Draco had created for them._

_“Sorry, mum,” Ron grumbles crossing his arms. “But we ran into the Triwizard Champions.”_

_Draco mumbled, prompting Ron to tell whatever story he was bursting to share. Harry still looked uncomfortable._

_“So Hagrid wasn’t home. So Harry and me were gonna race back here. He got a head start.”_

_“No, I didn’t, I’m just faster.”_

_“He started a bit before me, so he was ahead of me. He turned around to taunt me and show off the fact that he thought he could still beat me running backwards. But he ran straight into Cedric Diggory. Who was walking with Viktor Krum. AND FLEUR DELACOUR.”_

_“Oh my gosh, you too Harry. I expected this from Ron, but you.” Hermione looked back and forth between Harry, Ron, and Draco._

_Hermione must have noticed Harry’s face. It was tinted a shade of pink that neither Hermione nor Draco had seen before._

_Draco knew that it wasn’t because he talked to Delacour. “What happened then.”_

_“Diggory helped Harry up or whatever while I talked to Fleur and Viktor about the Yule Ball.” Ron smiled, holding himself high._

_Draco shook his head, perplexed. Harry’s face was even redder than it was a few seconds ago. What Draco was dying to know was what the hell he changed that resulted in Harry Potter being gay._


	5. Chapter 4: Pain

So far, every night of fifth-year had been the same. Ron goes out to monitor the halls leaving the room with just Draco and Harry. It was awkward at the start. The trio shared the smallest dorm room which had its perks, but Draco and Harry never spent much time together as they both did with Ron or Hermione. Mainly because Harry was always with one of the two.

Eventually, the two got used to being alone together. Sometimes they would talk until Ron got back, other times they would do homework or read. Occasionally Draco would fall asleep until he would wake up to the other two teasing him. It wasn’t as awkward anymore. Usually. Draco knew why Harry was being awkward, but he couldn’t understand it.

“Sorry about dinner. You have the right to eat as many carbs as you wish.” Draco watched Harry climb off of his bed and move over to Ron’s so he was facing Draco. “Just don’t complain to me when you are too slow to catch the snitch.”

“You know that is not it.” Despite Harry’s awkward presence, his tone remained cool, as to match Draco’s. “Do you remember fourth-year?”

“No. I forgot an entire year of my life.”

“I’m gonna hurt you one day Draco Malfoy.” Harry shook his head, smiling.

“I’ll hex you.” Draco but put down his Herbology textbook on his bed next to him, deciding that maybe he’ll treat Potter to his full attention.

“If I had a knutt for every time you have said that…” Harry moved towards the very edge of his bed, closer to Draco.

Draco scoffed, pushing the book off the bed and letting it crash onto the floor. “You’d have a lot of knutts.”

“But if I had a knutt for every person you’ve hexed,” Harry continued, slow and deliberately, “I’d have nothing.”

“I’m just waiting for the perfect opportunity. And threatening seems to serve just as well as acting.” Draco looked up at Harry’s crinkled eyes. He wasn’t wearing his glasses, so he could probably barely see Draco.

“I’m being serious though,” Harry’s smile disappeared completely in seconds, “I feel like something happened that we never addressed. If you don’t remember it’s best we forget it but…”

“The whole being in love with Cedric Diggory thing.” Draco ran his hand through his hair and smirked. He had never brought it up because he thought Harry was going to. When he didn’t Draco wondered if he was as good of a friend to Harry as he thought he was. But clearly Ron didn’t know either so it wasn’t just Draco Harry wasn’t being fully honest with.

“You didn’t need to say it like that.” Harry blushed, maybe for the first time since fourth-year.

“You aren’t denying it.” Draco pointed out, slightly teasing Harry. But, when Harry expression changed from an uncomfortable one to a hurt one, Draco realised he wasn’t going about the conversation the right way.

There were times when Draco had to put all the hurt that he held behind him and just be who had become. He had still yet to accept that he was never going back. Sometimes, it felt like Draco was lying when he was around his friends. Like he was just pretending to be the person they all trusted, but he never was. He was the same Draco Malfoy as before. He had just been given a fucked up kind of second chance. He truly did care about Harry. He cared about more than anyone else did. Through two lifetimes. But in the second one, he got to care in a way he wished he had the first.

“So maybe I’m gay, is that why you don’t like me as much as you like Hermione and Ron?” Harry mumbled, sounding defeated.

“What?” Draco was taken aback. Maybe he actually wasn’t that great of a friend to Harry. What if all those times Draco had teased Harry, he actually took offence to it. The thought made Draco sick to the stomach, he thought he was different now. “Oh, merlin. I don’t know what to address first, there’s so much wrong with that question. Harry, I don’t give flying fuck if you are gay. I mean, I care, but it doesn’t change anything for me. I want to be seen as an accepting person,” Draco frowned and look down at his crossed legs. He was wearing green socks from his mother. “I’m sorry I haven’t come across that way to you.”

Harry flashed Draco a quick thankful smile that didn’t even attempt to mask the hurt that he was feeling.

“Where did you get the idea that I don’t like you as much as Hermione and Ron?” Draco pleaded Harry, forcefully trying to make his sincerity as strong as he could.

“In the past two days how many serious conversations like this have you had to have with Ron or Hermione. Every time I see you talking to them it seems so light-hearted and fun. But with me, we are either bickering or having a heart-to-heart about us bickering.”

Harry wasn’t wrong. Had he always felt this way? It was fifth-year and Draco had no clue. And he always thought Harry was the easiest of the Trio to read. “I love bickering with you, you are the only one who can actually hold their own again me. I hope you know that it’s all in good fun. Sometimes I may be short with you, please know that I always regret it. I don’t know how to explain it, but it comes out of a place of concern.”

“It’s that too.” Harry slide of the end of Ron’s bed and walked up to Draco’s. Draco tensed up, he didn’t like Harry being taller and bigger than him. When Draco stood next to Harry he looked like a fragile twig since the shorter boy had really bulked up from Quidditch.

Feeling small, Draco made eye-contact with Harry and hoped that he couldn’t see through.

“I’ve known you for five years. But I sometimes feel like I hardly know you. And you know me so well. You always know what to say to make me shut up about all the secrets you keep. Sometimes you make me feel like an actual hero. Other times you make me feel like an arsehole.” Draco watched Harry’s shoulders rise as he took a big breath, “Right now, you make me feel so angry.”

Draco opened his mouth then shut it when his own mother’s face popped into his mind.

“I’m sorry. I’ve just,” Harry shook his head backing away from Draco and walking towards his own bed. He undid the covers and slid underneath, facing away from Draco, “I guess I’ve been irritable lately. My head's been bothering for the past few days.”

It had been 16 years that Draco had lived his second lifetime. Not once had he cried. He had cried enough for many lifetimes in the one prior. But Harry’s words almost made him reach that point again. He felt fraudulent. He barely knew who Draco Malfoy was anymore. All he served to do was carry the weight of a world that would never exist on his back with support from no one. Draco had more friends in this lifetime he had enemies in his last. Yet it was almost as much of a nightmare. But at least it was only a nightmare for him.

“Harry!” Draco gasped, causing the Harry Potter shaped lump of bedsheets to stir, “Does your head hurt or your scar. Be honest with me.”

Harry laughed coldly, “Be honest with you. I don’t have to, you seem to always know anyway.”

Draco rolled out of his bed and walked around so he could see Harry’s face. His eyes droopy and his face was relaxed. “Harry please.”

“Tell me something you’ve been hiding and I’ll do the same then.” Harry slurred letting his eyes shut. Draco felt old.

“But you just said I already knew.” Draco pulled Harry’s empty trunk out from against the wall so he could sit.

“Then why are you asking.” Harry opened his eyes slightly.

“I’m crazy,” Draco whispered, wide-eyed and alert.

“I asked for a secret git.” Harry smiled dopily. Draco didn’t know what to say. He had never really thought of what he hid. He had done nothing in the lifetime Harry was inquiring about that had to hide. There were things that he hadn’t told Harry, but that was simply because Harry only asked the complicated questions.

“Hermione asked me to the Yule Ball.” Draco could only hope that Harry didn’t know that.

His eyes burst open, causing him to grimace and bring his hand to his forehead. Draco’s hands instantly grabbed on to Harry’s head, one underneath on the back of his neck and one on his forehead. Harry’s hand was on top of Draco’s. Draco reacted to Harry’s pain faster than Harry had,

“Describe it to me. As detailed as you can okay P-Harry.”

“You always call me Potter. I don’t think you realise it unless I call you Malfoy. I don’t care.”

“Harry describe what you have been feeling to me.” Draco tried to ignore what Harry had said. His forehead was ice cold.

“I won’t call you Malfoy.”

“Harry James Potter. We agreed. I told you something now you tell me some-”

“I didn’t get to ask you.” Harry was relaxing, clearly, the pain wasn't as strong. But Draco’s concern didn’t lessen. It was only becoming worse with every passing second.

“I,” Draco started, his hand still on Harry’s forehead.

“I think I’m crazy. My scar burns. And my head hurts. But not like a headache. My mind hurts.” Harry looked at Draco helplessly. “I see and feel differently sometimes.” Draco rubbed his thumb over Harry’s scar. Every year it feels like something bad should happen, but nothing ever does. It never feels like this. It feels like something bad is happening.”

Draco was petrified, and he hoped it was dark enough that Harry couldn’t see him.

“Draco?”

“We should go to Dumbledore. Or maybe Snape.” Draco realised what he had said. “No not Snape. Moody maybe?”

Events leading up to fifth-year had been altered so much that nothing was the same. Draco didn’t know if there was an Order to protect Harry. He didn’t know how many of his memories would help him anymore.

“What? No way.” Harry sputtered out defiantly, knocking Draco’s hands off of him. “I’m sixteen I can handle this.”

“Of course you can handle this.” Draco raised his hands defensively. “I never said you couldn’t. You are smart. You know there is something going on. Merlin, you have to do something so no one gets hurt. If the Dark Lord has risen again, this is the first sign and we have to be ready now.”

“You sound so sure. Maybe I just need more sleep. I can’t see how Voldemort could be back.”

“I am sure.” Draco spat. “I keep forgetting that you don’t know the Dark and how dangerous he is. Don’t be slow when you have the high ground. Merlin!” Draco stood up, anxious, “We should have been preparing for this since we got here. I shouldn’t have wasted so much goddamn time making friends when the Dark Lord is just going to rise to kill and break them all again.”

“What the bloody hell are you saying Draco?” Harry asked warily as Draco walked in circles in the centre of the dorm room. “Draco I don’t understand why you are getting so,”

Draco looked at Harry, his face covered in tears. Sometime while he was pacing the room he picked up his wand.

“I don’t understand why you are getting so worked up.”

Draco looked at the large mirror on the wall. Pathetic. He hadn’t cried like this since sixth-year. His face was eyes and nose were tiny pink. Blond hair flowed in every direction like he hadn’t brushed it after sleeping for nights in a row. Why did he think he had blond hair, his hair was practically white. And it was longer than it should have been.

Who was he? The costume that he wore was so heavy he could hardly breathe. Skin around his neck restricted his airways, it seemed so thick and heavy. Why was he so skinny? He had been muscular the first time. Grey, dead, eyes taunted Draco in the mirror. So loud. They were screaming at him. Why did people say his eyes told nothing when they were spelling out angry words to Draco. There was something that he wasn’t doing that he had to be doing. Otherwise, he would have been crushed by every unknown force in the universe trying to give him a hard time. Draco didn’t know if he could even squeeze a word out, he’d have to breathe first and there was no way he could.

Draco raised his wand to the mirror and croaked, “Crucio.” 

Almost immediately, Draco fell to the floor. Any control he had he used to make sure he didn’t let his hand falter from pointing towards the mirror.

A blood-curdling scream filled the small dorm room and bounced of each wall. But Draco was silent. His face was relaxed, yet his body was spasming. The scream went on for minutes. It was identical the one heard his during his first and last days of eighth-year. Harry’s familiar scream caused Draco to drop his wand.

“Don’t be inconsiderate Potter, people are sleeping.” Draco said bitterly closing his eye and letting his body go limp on the floor. Harry started sputtering but was completely unable to form coherent words. “You have knutts,” Draco jibed.

After a few deep breathes, Draco pushes himself off the floor. Harry had been completely silent and it was concerning Draco. There wasn’t even sound of movement, but Harry wasn’t exactly capable of leaving. Taking another deep breath in order to coax the dizziness away, Draco smoothed out his tattered silk pyjamas that he had since first-year and were far too small for him. Slowly he turned around to see what the hell Harry was doing.

He looked petrified. Literally. Then, all at once, Draco realised what he did and rushed towards Harry. Draco guided Harry to his bed and sat him. Draco turned to the open-mouthed boy sitting next to him and wrapped his arms around him, pulling Harry’s face towards his chest. “I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that in front of you.” Draco ran his hair through Harry’s hair.

Harry didn’t have experience with dark magic. He was talented with magic, but the only dark wizard he had ever fought was Peter Pettigrew. He had never seen any of the unforgivable in his life.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. You’re okay.” Draco squeezed Harry closer. “You are okay.” A tear fell into Harry’s unruly mop of black hair. “I’m so sorry you saw that. I shouldn’t have done that in front of you.” Another tear fell. “And what I said after. Merlin.” Two more tears. “What have I done?”

Draco noticed that his pyjama top was beginning to dampen where Harry’s face rested. Draco began to cry harder. At the end of last year he was so proud. He saved so many lives. But he wasn’t anymore. He had made Harry Potter weak. Was this Harry Potter better than a broken Harry Potter?

“You shouldn’t have done that in front of me.” Harry finally whispered, moving his head up so his face was resting on Draco’s shoulder. His voice was too quiet for Draco to make out any emotion.

“No of course not,” Draco quickly responded to Harry, in a nurturing voice that he had never heard come out of his own mouth. “Of course not.”

Draco rubbed Harry’s back reassuringly. Harry sat up and looked at Draco, who’s blank expression didn’t match his voice or the situation. “I have so much to say to you.” Harry looked so hurt.

“Please don’t be, you can be angry all you want. Don’t be scared of me.” Draco was begging.

“You said you shouldn’t have done that in front of me.” Harry rubbed his scar, “Merlin, Draco I think of the implications too. Why’d you add the ‘in front of me.’?”

Draco wanted to regret cursing himself. But he didn’t. He needed a reset and the cruciatus curse was the closest thing he could do. He wished he could tell Harry that he would never do it again. But he never would lie to Harry.

“All our conversations turn out like this.” Draco followed Harry’s hand as it reached up to Draco’s cheek.

“The next one will be perfect I promise.” Draco whispered lightly touching Harry’s wrist.

“The next one will be tomorrow. And we’ll be discussing tonight.” Draco nods solemnly and walks over to his bed, picking up his wand on the way there.

“So assertive. I miss you Potter.”


	6. Chapter 5: Truth Hurts Untold

Draco woke up achy the next morning. Achy and anxious. Sunlight shone through the open window filling the room with warmth and light. Draco looked at the bed across from him. Ron was snoring lightly. His hair covered his face and limbs were tangled in the bedsheets.

Sitting wide awake on the bed to the side of Draco was Harry Potter, who was watching him adjust to the natural lighting in the room. Draco felt uncomfortable under Harry’s glare. He had been hoping that a night’s sleep would have weakened whatever emotions Harry was directing at Draco. But it didn’t appear as if Harry had a good night’s sleep.

Saturday was usually Draco’s favourite day of the week. Harry, Ron, and he would sleep until noon ditching both breakfast and lunch. They would eat whatever food they had laying around and laze about until Quidditch practise at three.

It definitely wasn’t noon yet, judging on how the light was hitting the wall in a way that Draco had ever really seen before. Both Harry and Draco went to bed early the night before, so it wasn’t a surprise that the two had woken up so early.

Draco regretted sitting up. He should have pretended to remain asleep. But Harry’s glare was practically burning into his back, he would have had to move for his own safety. After a minute of silence, Harry cleared his throat, demanding Draco’s attention.

Draco looked at him wanly, hoping that he wouldn’t have to deal with an angry Potter. Harry didn’t look angry at all. His entire face was brooding and sullen. “Let’s go Draco.”

Draco’s jaw dropped slightly. He looked down at his clothes and then back at Harry quizzically.

“Just put a robe on over,” Harry said, quietly moving off his bed to his wardrobe to grab a robe. Draco groaned. He felt so uncomfortable leaving the dorm without spending ample time making sure he looked at least presentable. But he was in place to argue with Harry, so he grabbed a sweater and a robe so he could at least hide how tight his five-year-old shirt was.

“Where are we going?” Draco asked following Harry out of the red room, “What about Ron?”

“He’ll be fine.” Harry sped up his walking forcing Draco to do the same. “I found a room. It’ll show up soon.”

Draco followed Harry as he turned around a corner. “The Room of Requirement.”

Draco stopped next to Harry and looked at what usually was an empty wall that instead housed a giant elegant door. “I guess so.” Harry opened the door and allowed Draco to walk in before shutting the door behind him.

The room wasn’t as big as Draco had ever seen it. There was no reason for it to be so. It was just the two of them. The room had created a nice place for Harry and Draco. There was a horseshoe-shaped couch in the centre that was a green colour that matched the ones in the Slytherin common room. Draco smiled at the couch. Against the wall sat a large fireplace with a glass screen covering it. Draco liked the glass screen.

Harry walked up to the couch and took a seat not letting his eyes leave Draco.

“Are those new glasses?” Draco tried to break the silence, but end up just wanting to hit himself.

Harry laughed wryly. “Are these new glasses… come sit Draco. I was up all night thinking about what I to say to you. And honestly, I still don’t know.”

Draco sat down on the opposite end of the horseshoe couch from Harry. They were still close, but there was a spot of openness preventing them from truly being next to each other.

“I really like talking to you.” Draco enigmatically smiled at Harry whose face was unnaturally vacant.

“I’m sure you understand why I have a hard time believing that.” Harry took a deep breath. “May I have your wand?”

Draco’s face fell, “I’m not going to hurt you.” He paused, “I would never.”

“I know.” Harry stuck out his hand as Draco pulled out his wand feeling defeated. “Thank you.”

Draco looked around the room awkwardly, the silence seemed to not be bothering Harry. The tables had finally turned and Draco was the uncomfortable one while Harry stood above him.

“I would be concerned if you hadn’t have turned to the mirror and ‘hexed’ yourself. You looked like you were about to pass out. I would have been concerned if you turned to the mirror and threw a normal hex at yourself. You threw a bloody unforgivable at yourself and hardly regretted it after.” Harry was calm.

Draco wasn’t, “Hardly regretted it after? I held you and apologised for ages. I still feel bad.”

“Why the hell are you apologising to me? I am not the one who got cursed.” Harry leaned forward, fiddling with Draco’s wand.

“I scared you.” Draco tried to explain, “You screamed.”

“I hate that you think I’m a coward Draco Malfoy. I wasn’t scared of the bloody ‘Crucio,’ I was scared for you. I tell you all the time how much I care for you. Ron notices, but he just thinks you’re mysterious. Hermione says it’s just your personality too, she’s one of the smartest people I know. But she’s wrong. You aren’t just tired all the time. You’re falling apart and it hurts that the only thing that seemed to make you okay for a just a moment was an unforgivable curse that causes excruciating pain.”

Draco took a deep breath.

“I’m not done. I’m going to ask you one more time Draco Malfoy. Tell me the truth.”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore. I don’t want to hurt you with the truth, especially when it doesn’t matter anymore. Potter look me in the eyes.” Draco wasn’t going to have the same conversation with Harry again and again, “I need you to listen to me because your life depends on it. I have to teach you something.”

Harry froze, “Draco?”

“Have you heard of Occulmency? Chances are the Dark Lord is in your head. You can’t let him stay there or you and everyone around you is in danger.”

“You sound different.”

Draco stood up slightly and put his mouth next to Harry’s ear. “I need you to do this for me.” Draco grabbed his wand from Harry and pointed at his head. “Get me out. _Legilimens.”_

He was in potions class. Snape was taking points away from Gryffindor because Harry had spilt his potion on the floor. Draco was in the classroom. Harry could have easily pointed him out. He was in Privet drive. There was screaming… A loud bang. Harry was on the floor… Draco was looking through the window… he wanted to do something. Harry wasn’t seeing him.

He was in on the field. He was flying right next to Harry. Harry was looking at him confused. He had it… he had it. No…He was in a classroom. An empty classroom. Well, not empty… Harry was in the classroom. And Cedric was in the classroom… Draco needed Harry to see him. Harry was telling Cedric how admirable he was for winning the tournament… Harry lifted himself so he was seated on the desk. Harry looked around the classroom scanning to make sure it was empty… He looked at Draco.

“GET OUT.”

“Get me out.” Draco asserted. He was on a bridge. Harry was talking to Professor Lupin… They were not smiling. He was on a bus. Full of bunk beds that were moving all around. Harry was saying his name was Neville Longbottom. He wasn’t going to get it.

Draco retreated to reality to see a horrified Harry Potter gawking at him in disbelief. “You saw me. Focus on me and kick me out.” Before Harry was able to get out another word Draco had shouted, “ _Legilimens_.”

He was in the classroom again. Why was he back in the same memory? No, it was a different day. It was the end of the year. Harry’s mouth was on Cedric’s. Draco felt horrible. Harry leaned back and saw Draco standing in the open door frame. He was enraged.

Draco was back to reality sitting on the couch in front of Harry, who looked exactly as he did in the last second of the memory. Terrifying.

“Thank you, Harry. Please under-,”

“No!” Harry yelled out frantically, grabbing Draco’s wand from his hand. Harry pointed it at Draco, causing him to immediately shut his mouth. “ _L-Legilimens._ ”

* * *

_Draco’s trunk was packed. Or that’s what his mom thought when she saw him exiting his room in the Malfoy Manor._

_“It’ll be okay. You redeemed yourself. Harry Potter testified at your trial.” Narcissa Malfoy walked up to her child. “You deserve a second chance Draco.”_

_Draco’s trunk was practically empty. He didn’t need much if he wasn’t going to be staying long. There was no way that Ex-Death-Eater Draco Malfoy was actually wanted at Hogwarts again. Draco could hear the few contents in the move around as he dragged the trunk down the stairs. He hated using magic. He’d apparate to Hogwarts but other than that, he had legs that worked._

_“You have everything?” Narcissa placed her frail hands on Draco’s sloped shoulder and wiped them off reassuringly. Draco nodded. He had one robe. Three sleeved dress shirts. And some muggle makeup. He didn’t even bring a pair of trousers apart from the ones that were on his person. “Let me hear your voice one last time before you go love.”_

_Draco took a deep breathe, “Goodbye mum.” Draco lightly kissed her cheek and then apparated away._

_He didn’t go to Hogwarts. Not right away. He had told his mother eight years had to come earlier that was true. Draco went to an alleyway. He pulled out a small bottle that he had in the pocket of his black coat. It was polyjuice potion. Made with a piece of hair that he had made a house-elf snatch from a random male in Diagon Alley._

_There was a memorial that day. For everyone. Draco would have never been allowed in. But he had to go. When he arrived in the cathedral, he took a seat in the back. There were painting everywhere. Many with faces that he recognised._

_Snape, Dumbledore, Fred, Sirius Black, Cedric Diggory, all the people who had ever died because of the Dark Lord. James Potter. Lily Potter._

_There were people on the floor of the cathedral making speeches. No one like Harry Potter spoke. They had nothing to say. Draco looked through the crowd. At the front stood the Weasley family in a large clump that was smaller than it should have been. Next to Ron was Hermione. And next to her was Harry Potter, who didn’t look as sad as he was supposed to. He looked confused. He looked lost and scared each time someone came up to shake his hand. Next to him was Neville Longbottom, who sat tall with a blank face. He looked so numb._

_Draco sat and watched for an hour. He knew the memorial service would be going on all day, but he didn’t have all day. And he certainly had no right to be there. He looked down at the floor who were trying to get through the pain together. He looked at everyone’s face. They all looked so hurt._

_Except. Except for Harry Potter, who looked confused. He was looking up in Draco’s direction. Draco looked behind him. There was no one else beside him in this part of the cathedral. Why was Harry Potter looking at him? Why the hell was Harry Potter not sad?_

_Draco stood up from the pew he sat at. Harry Potter looked younger._ Harry Potter looked Younger. Draco shook his head. He had to get Harry out. He had been in there for too long. It wasn’t the worst thing he could see but now he knows. And Draco had been too busy moping to notice that there was a fifth-year Harry Potter in a time that didn’t exist any longer.

Draco was a skilled Occulmens. He had been able to protect himself from the Dark Lord multiple times. Why couldn’t he get Harry Potter out? H _e stood up, ready to leave the cathedral. The potion was going to wear off soon and he wanted to get to Hogwarts so he could visit the library to do some potions reading._

_It was the first day of classes. The eighth -years had a lot of freedom when picking their classes. Draco had chosen three different potion electives. He wasn’t sure why if he wasn’t planning on attending. Draco had been to his first two classes already and he was anxious for the day to be over so he could use the potions room._

_His last class was a potion elective. One that focused on healing potions. Draco had been surprised to see Harry Potter in the class. He never seemed to be great at Potions. Harry Potter was looking better that day. Draco didn’t understand how someone can go from looking like to death to looking like they had de-aged three years._

_Draco debated asking Potter for his secret but remembered that he couldn’t even look Draco in the eye without freaking out. Draco looked down at his textbook and flipped the page slowly. He wondered if there was a healing potion for emotional damage. Once more, he looked back at Potter cause if anyone could use that potion it was him._

_Draco almost fell out of his seat. Harry Potter was looking him directly in the eye and was showing no sign of panic. He just looked confused. Small. Lost and so_ young.

Draco had him this time. He couldn’t let Harry go further. If he lost Harry again he would go somewhere he wouldn’t just be looking at the aftermath of years of disaster.

Draco stood up in his chair and walked towards the scared boy. He was a fifth-year but he looked so small. Draco crouched down in front of the Harry and put his hand on his knee. Harry’s eyes were wide and watery. Draco felt horrible.

“Let’s get you out of here,” Draco whispered, standing up and holding his hands out for Harry.

Draco’s eyes opened before Harry’s did. He grabbed his wand from Harry and threw it over his head at the wall behind him before hastily stand up and grabbing onto Harry. Draco say back down with Harry in his mirroring how they sat the night prior.

“I should have listened. Who are you?” Harry whispered. “What are you? Where was that?”

“I know the life you lost. You fought so hard to keep it even though it kept hurting you. Something made me think you’d be better if I took it away.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this too confusing?


	7. Chapter 6: Poppy

As much as he wanted to, Draco was completely unable to pay attention to Professor Snape. Consistently, for the past week, Draco could only think of Harry and Voldemort. Harry knew Draco was hiding something huge and had accepted it almost too easy.

Even so, Harry hadn’t had an actual conversation with Draco since they quietly left the Requirement. However, Harry wasn’t exactly ignoring Draco. Whenever Draco was around him, he would stare. Draco had tried to start a conversation with Harry to gage where is head was. He had seen traumatising memories that didn’t even make sense.

Draco let his head fall into his hands on the desk. He was in agonising pain. He had hurt Harry once again and he couldn’t even figure out how to prevent it from happening more. On top of that, going into Harry’s mind had prompted his lifetime memories that Draco had buried deep down in his subconscious. He felt agitated and jumpy.

He turned his head slightly to look at Harry, who was sitting on Hermione’s left whereas Draco was on her right. And of course, he was looking at Draco, wide-eyed but still emotionless. He wanted to hex him. He really did. It took everything in Draco to not pull out his wand and use it to coerce Harry into his trunk where he would be safe. Draco closed his eyes and groaned.

“Mr Malfoy. Sit up at once.” Draco shot up to face Snape, “That will be 10 points from Gryffindor.” Professor Snape stared at Draco, expressionless.

Draco clenched up his face. He had cried seven times in the past week. He was able to get through sixteen years without crying once, but he had ruined it. But Draco would go to hell before crying in class. Before crying in front of Snape, Ron, and Hermione…

“Mate?” Ron whispered to Draco from his right side, “You all right?”

“Yeah. Shut your trap before Snape takes more points.” Draco whispered barely opening his mouth. It was an easy lie. Even though the truth was Draco was ready to use another unforgivable on himself. Not the Cruciatus curse.

Professor Snape dismissed the class as he practically glided out the door, letting his cape fly behind him.

“I wish he would just let us go like a normal teacher.” Hermione rolled her eyes gathering her potion book from the table.

“It’s Snape. It’s not very Hermione of you to assume he is even capable of doing that.” Ron chuckled.

“If you listened to what I said, Ronald. You would have heard that I wish. Meaning that,”

“Yeah okay, whatever.” Ron quickly interrupted Hermione. Draco wasn’t paying attention the exchange between the two though. He was looking at Harry behind Hermione, who was looking at Draco with an actual expression for the first time in a while.

Harry mouthed something catching Draco off guard. He checked behind him to ensure he wasn’t trying to talk to Ron or someone else, but Ron was still engaging with Hermione and the rest of the class had left.

Draco scrunched his face up at Harry, attempting to prompt a repetition of whatever he had tried to say the first time.

“I need to talk to you,” Harry actually put volume into the words, causing Draco to completely freeze. He pointed to himself confused.

Harry rolled his eyes and almost smiled. He almost smiled. Draco smiled. He smiled probably the most sincere smile that he had worn all year. “When,” he whispered back.

“We have Ancient Runes next.” Harry moved his head toward Ron and Hermione. “They don’t. Ditch?”

Harry’s proposition startled Draco. He never had been one for ditching. Hell, Draco could probably convince Hermione to ditch before Harry. Clearly something important was going on and while Draco was eager to make sure Harry was okay, he’d rather it be when there was nothing else going on.

“Ron and I are going to head to Arithmancy okay? We’ll see you before dinner?”

“Sounds good,” Harry responded, quietly and moved towards Draco to allow Hermione and Ron to pass.

“Where do you want to go?” Draco asked Harry softly.

“Well, I want to go outside honestly. But if we come across the Room of Requirement before we get outside, we should use it. To save time.”

Harry began to walk out of the classroom, allowing Draco to follow behind him. No more than a few steps out of the classroom, the elegant door to the room they had mentioned no less than a minute appeared.

The fact that the Room appeared so quickly worried Draco even more. It meant they really need the room.

Without saying anything, Harry approaches the door and opens it slightly, before quickly slinking inside. Draco looks up and down the hallway before following suit.

Draco had expected the room to look the same as it had looked a week ago. But it didn’t. The room was, well, not a room. With an exception of the giant door that stood behind him, Draco was outside standing in a warm open field full of orange flowers.

Harry was a few feet ahead of him, crouching down examining the small buds. “Do you know what these are?”

“They’re muggle flowers,” Draco steps up to Harry and crouches in front of him. Harry held out a flower to Draco, smiling brightly. Energy shoots through Draco’s body, causing him to smile just as intensely as Harry. He reaches his hand on and puts it on Harrys at the bottom of the flower’s stem. “They might be poppies.” Draco looks up to meet Harry’s eyes for a couple of seconds before darting them back to the flower. Harry looks so happy and Draco wasn’t about to ruin that for him. “Where the hell are we? Draco drew his hand back and stood up.

As far as his eyes could see were poppies. Why would they require poppies?

“I don’t want to crush the flowers,” Harry walked toward Draco, focusing on lifting his feet high and not stepping on any of the plants. Of course, they were everywhere and there was truly no avoiding it.

“We can fix them when we leave. We have wands.” Draco turned to Harry. A wave of emotion came over him. He wanted to hold Harry close. Every time he closes his eyes he sees the old Harry. The one that doesn’t exist to anyone besides Draco. He sees the Harry whose childhood was stripped away from him because he had to save the world. But after a week of only catching quick glimpses of the boy, Draco finally got to look at him again.

The Harry who stood in front of him was innocent. He was sixteen. He had been hurt, but he hadn’t been scarred. Draco looks at the lightning bolt on his forehead. He hadn’t been scared without mercy.

“You’re better at transfiguration than me. Can you turn a flower into a quilt or something?”

Draco nods slowly, his eyes still glued to Harry’s scar. He reaches into his robe pocket and pulls out his wand. With great precision, he mutters a spell under his breath while pointing his want down at the ground.

“Let’s sit Harry.” Draco steps onto the blanket and sits down with his legs out straight in front of him. Harry lays down next to him.

“Your eye looks better.” Draco looks down at Harry. “I’m sorry I elbowed you. I was,”

“Don’t be sorry. I was holding you down and you wanted to get away. I shouldn’t have…”

Harry let a small puff of air out of his nose. “In no way were you holding me down Draco. You were consoling me. I shouldn’t have run away. And I definitely should have been more careful.”

Draco looks out at the open field. It had to mean something.

“Why haven’t you gotten it healed?”

Draco stopped breathing. Why hadn’t he gotten it healed? He probably could have even healed it himself, he was a wizard for crying out loud. Draco quite nearly laughed.

“So. Are those new glasses?” Harry moved his arms over his eyes.

“Huh?” Draco questioned. He definitely was not wearing glasses. “Oh.”

“I think it would be best if you asked me first?” Harry mumbled.

“What did you see?” Draco gulped, “When you performed Legilimency on me.”

“Definitely more than I was supposed to.” Harry paused, “I mean more than I think I would if I performed it on someone else. You know, I was surprised I could do it.”

“You didn’t just see my memories?” Draco was nearing upon panic. What if Harry had access to all his old memories? Then it wouldn’t have mattered what memory of Draco’s he had entered, all of old Harry’s memories filled his head all at once. “Harry. What did you see? Tell me everything you saw. I promise I will tell you as much as I can.”

“I was at a huge funeral. And I was confused because I didn’t see you anywhere. I’m pretty sure that in Legilimency, you can’t see anything that the memory holder didn’t. But you were all the way up. And there was no possible way you could have heard.

“People kept coming up to me and shaking my hand. Everyone looked so sad. So many people were dead, and I had no clue what had happened. It took me a while to realise I wasn’t in the real world. Or at least that I wasn’t in my real world.

“Where was I Draco? What do you mean by the life I lost?” Harry slid his arm down and looked over to Draco, his green eyes practically glowing.

Draco looked down at his lap and shook his head. He had promised to tell Harry as much as he could, but he didn’t think it was necessary. He could lie?

“I have to die,” Harry said calmly.

Abruptly, Draco’s heart stopped. How did Harry know this? It didn’t line up. “No one has to die.”

“I’m going to die.”

“No Harry. That’s not how it happens. That’s not how it works.”

“Voldemort is waiting for me. I know where he is right now. And I’m going to kill him.” Harry sat up on the transfigured blanket and smiled at Draco. “I just needed to talk to you before I do.”

Draco felt his get hot. He’d be damned if he cried in front of Harry. He didn’t know what to believe anymore. “Why do you have to die?” Draco choked, “You don’t want to die. I wanna- I want to, why not me.”

“I’ve always thought that you were the one hurting me. All the times we argue, I’m so quick to forgive you. And it doesn’t make sense.” Harry paused, before putting his head down on Draco’s lap. “I’ve been the one hurting you.”

Draco’s world went black. He was about to lose. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW THIS IS SO CONFUSING IM SO SORRY, IM REALLY UNORGANISED AND IM TRYING I WANT TO BE BETTER


End file.
